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| 09:01pm 05/04/2006 |
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mood:  distressed music: american idol
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i dont like today
Current mood: distressed
today is no fun.. im in a funk all of a sudden... which doesnt realli suprise me.. i realize i dont realli have n e friends... i mean i have a few.. but not realli.. ally mark marissa and cory... and my neice and sister.. do they realli count as friends?.. i dont realli kno n e more..
i have a giant headache.. my tattoo is killing me.. and im miserable currentli.. i dont even want to go to work 2morrow.. but then again im like that everyday..
my dad thinks my mom is having an affair... again.. even though she never has.. i think im gonna look up a marriage counciler.. (how ever u spell it).. i hate them arguing.. argh i just wanna go out n drive till i cant drive n e more..
i just wanna wash away all of my thoughts.. drive.. blasting music.. making it all disappear for a short while.. a short escape.. no alcohol or drugs or n e thing involoved.. that way its my way of getting rid of it all.. trying to make it go away.. but dealing with it at the same time.. so its not just gonna build up and drive me crazi..
i could totalli use a drink.. wish i were 21 alreadi.. damnit.. damnit!.. argh..
as for my love life.. there isnt one.. and hasnt been for almost a year now?.. lets see.. chris.. he is in kuwait and that will never happen.. and darryl.. he's far away as well.. of course.. and i just started talking to 2 guys.. one named eric and one named bill.. bill is in a band... but smokes pot.. he's halarious and a giant flirt.. which makes me laugh.. and eric.. hes a nice guy.. doesnt do drugs.. and is sweet.. but he just broke up with his x 2 1/2 weeks ago.. so thats kinda oddish... and he's kinda hard to understand cuz he speaks so fast.. so i dont realli kno..
god i wish me n krys still talked.. im not even quite sure where it all went wrong.. :-( someone please tell me.. someone give me advice.. |
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| i feel the urge to purge |
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| 02:08pm 13/12/2005 |
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mood:  sick music: im torn
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i have a realli bad headache.. i dont feel good.. my tummi's all upset.. and all i want to is go back to bed.. i think im getting whatever my sister has.. im not happi... i feel dead to the world.. i dont wanna do anything at work.. which i guess isnt a shocker... one of the old people who liked me is starting to talk to me again.. and wants me to go to a party on thursday at the palm beach ale house.. i dont kno how i feel about that.. he's not very attractive and he's very.. to the point.. he likes u he wants u to move in with him and marry him.. i dont kno how i feel about that to much... i feel sick again.. ok.. im going to go.. because i feel realli sick.. and if i go home everyone will be pissed at me.. especialli krystal.. but thats life.. o well.. bye.. |
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| im back |
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| 04:11pm 12/12/2005 |
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mood:  dirty music: dan folgelberg
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yay im back on livejournal.. fun fun fun.. i have a headache.. and im tired.. and i have to start making dinner when i go home.. NO!... ok well i just thought id write a short lil thingy.. ok well bye.. o and we saw donkeys 2day and we pet them and we wanna groom them... sooo.. yay... ok bye |
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| 03:01pm 22/05/2005 |
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mood:  indescribable music: country ~ doesn't have to be perfect
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i dont even kno why im writing im to upset and depressed to write.. and yet im writing.. for some reason.. i dont like anyone n e more.. they all make me sad and jsut make me want to crawl in a hole and die.. either that or go and cry myself to sleep.. im so broke.. a new rim is around $120 and the wheel lock is $40.. and the tire is $100... so thats my point exactli.. chris wants to hang out with me but i dont want to go ne where.. and yet i do.. i just wish there was not a sole on the street or at wal mart.. so i could walk and drive around there alone.. and just do things like everyone else was invisible.. usualli writing helps.. but not 2day.. i guess im gonna go.. i think im just making myself feel worse |
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| why |
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| 04:05pm 18/05/2005 |
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mood:  cranky music: randomness on the radio
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im so broke its not even funni... i need to get new tires b.c i had a blow out on monday i think it was... ya... so i need a new tire and then my spare is almost dead so i ned to get another one... n im lucki im getting them at $100 a piece instead of $150 which is nice... its so hot out.. i could die.. i dunno.. y bday's soon... not that it will be eventful or n e thing.. and chris was here on monday i think.. and didnt have my phone number so couldnt call me.. even though he says he realli wanted to see me.. BS... and then he IMed me and asked me to drive to kissimmee to see him... im like dude i have a spare on my tire.. he's such an ass... ya i want to spend my life with u.. BS... n e way i cant wait till the weekend i get to see Sarah again.. yay! ne ways im realli broke.. im in the hole.. frickin grocery's put me there.. damn people needing food.. it was nice having my parents gone for the weekend.. o and the doctor seems to think my sister has a piece of calcium in her ear.. causing her to be off balance... no equallibrium or however u spell it.. she has to get an MRI and see a neurologist and such.. im in such a shyt ass mood today.. make it friday alreadi please! IM A NOthING.. in college and such.. man this fucking sucks! and i have to pick the other chris up from work 2day.. and take him to the check cashing store... i want a ciggarette so bad... oh and my friend Darryl is mad at me... and that sux so bad.. b.c i wanna be with him.. and he's in TX.. and its not fair.. why do i find the ones that are far away damnit.. ok im done with the smilies and this journal.. grr.. bye |
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| heartburn |
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| 07:40pm 12/05/2005 |
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mood:  depressed music: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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did i ever tell u that i hate people?.. my dad likes to make me feel like shyt.. any way next... today was the worst day ever i swear.. fucking stupid shyt with work.. and ive decided im gonna be loneli the rest of my life.. im meeting sarah 2morrow.. im excited about that.. but i just woke up from a nap and had a horrible dream... sarah's dog.. gizmo.. was in the hospital and had realli bad heart problems.. and someone stole my sisters car.. and im just depressed out of my mind.. why cant i find ne one.. and the people that i find that are absolute sweet hearts either live in homestead or texas.. ya.. o well ive gotta get going kala mark and katie are here.. for ally's day off.. bye |
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| shyt sux |
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| 10:18pm 16/04/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: 21 jump street
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i hate people... they all sux.. i wanna be with chris.. either one of them but that will never happen;.. i havent gone on here in over a year.. ya wow.. now i have to get off the fucking computer cuz everyone else decides to eat.. fuck them all |
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| Long day.. |
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| 12:14am 01/08/2004 |
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mood:  sleepy music: GTA vice city
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2day was raini.. bad tipers.. prolli gonna get sick from getting in and out of car.. n getting soaked n air conditioning.... have massive amounts of things to do this week.. mon. vet for kids $300.. tues apt. wed. dentist.. and school.. thursday school... and work all week.. and i have to get massive amounts of hmwk done by then as well.. and its alreadi saturday.. where the hell has time gone?? i mean seriousli.. o well im gonna go n chill with mark n k and alli and boi's suppose to be here soon.. so i guess i'll write some other time.. bye |
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| wow memories.. |
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| 11:25pm 05/07/2004 |
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mood:  accomplished music: flaw ~ recognize
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wow its been forever and a day since ive written.. a lot of drama.. a lot of.. growing up.. a lot of.. shyt.. it feels so weird writing in this journal again.. b.c last time i wrote was when bad shyt was happening.. and now things are a lot better.. school is great.. job is a job..friends are fun.. met a boi.. named chris.. mad cute.. dunno where thats going but yeah.. bleh.. o well.. im gonna go bye |
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| dont kno what to do.. |
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| 12:19pm 26/04/2004 |
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mood: depressed music: jack off jill ~ strawberry gashes
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well i went to TN this weekend... drove all the way there with ben.. and then i dont kno i didnt like being there.. Mel's bf is wack.. i felt realli uncomfortable.. and now.. i left ben there.. and im prolli never gonna see him again.. but theres nothing i can do about it.. it was my choice to come home.. i could have stayed there and stuck it out.. but i was/am stupid.. and now i wont see him for a long while.. and i dont kno if things are gonna work out long distance or not.. so i fucked things up mad bad.. im so sad... it isnt even funni.. i went through a box of kleenex in one nite.. between being sick and sad.. its not fun and im depressed.. nothing i can do about it n e more.. ok well im gonna go.. bye.. have to clean |
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| starvin marvin |
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| 08:16pm 17/04/2004 |
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mood:  hungry
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well i just got off of work not that long ago.. and im at bens.. as usual.. and im so hungry it isnt funni and i have no money.. i onli made like $15 sux mad bad.. n ben of course is off frolicking around.. n im stuck here.. well i dont have to be here.. tru.. but.. ya kno.. n e wayz im gonna go find some food.. bye |
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| no sleep |
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| 11:07am 13/04/2004 |
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mood:  exhausted music: sheryl crow ~ first cut
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i am mad tired... didnt get n e sleep last nite.. i mean literalli no sleep n then 7 rolls around and i have to go to school.. so ya now im back.. n mad tired.. n sneaker just stole a coffee cake.. stupid dork.. so yeah.. so me and ben broke up again but this time.. i think not sure but pretti sure its for good.. hes doing drugs again.. and i just dont wanna deal.. im going to college doing my shyt working and him hes just fucking around to much for me.. so maybe friends.. just chill once in a while.. so yeah... ok n e wayz im tired im gonna go bye.. |
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| whoa.. long ass time.. |
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| 11:51pm 07/04/2004 |
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mood:  surprised music: toilet flushing
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wow.. its been mad long since ive written and mad shyt has been going on.. n it was adam's bday.. n ive found out so much shyt.. n i dont kno.. my life is drama.. n me n ben are back to gether AGAIN.. giving him one last chance.. because i realli do love him.. so thats that.. going back to school.. working lots.. headaches.. famili is still wack.. my kids are still hyper poquitas getting nicer.. she likes banana chips.. they make her sweeter.. drinking with julie..lol.. Alize.. lol.. n e wayz i guess that will be it for now maybe i'll write sooner than later..lol.. byeee miss u all |
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| peanut butter n jelli |
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| 11:09am 31/03/2004 |
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mood: hungry music: shower running
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mad hungry and tired.. passed out last nite watching gothica.. felt nice to sleep with ben again.. noo no sex.. but i mean just to lay with him n cuddle it was nice.. i love that man.. o well n e wayz im waiting for him to get out of the shower so we can go back to my house n i can start my projects and then take him to his interview and then me go to work.. so yeah.. ok bu bye |
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| alize |
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| 02:25pm 26/03/2004 |
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mood:  drunk music: eve 6 ~ inside out
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well it turns out i just found out that when me n ben werent together.. for that short period of time.. that he fooled around with amanda.. i dont kno what to do... yea he wasnt going out with me then.. but i mean come on.. why would u do that.. if u still love someone.. its just like the other amandas situation.. it just hurts a lot.. n i dont understand.. im just a stupid gerl.. who just "thinks" shes in love and wants to spend the rest of her life with ben,, when in reality.. its just stupid to think of that as actualli happening.. why am i so stupid.. i dont understand.. its not fair all i want to be is happi.. n i thought that ben added to everything. but maybe im just stupid.. ok im real tired i'll ttyl bye |
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| i just dont kno... |
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| 01:57am 21/03/2004 |
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mood: drunk music: bicardi rtaz
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n e wayz.. i dont kno i felt like writing.. im mad drinking.. prolli get drunk 2nite.. yeah.. i dont kno.. work is alrite.. me n ben are good.. school.. its getting there.. i kno it is.. its a matter of time |
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| listen |
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| 11:07pm 14/03/2004 |
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mood: drunk music: afi ~ bleed black
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if u listen.. listen listen.... mad messed up.. after work.. im here at bens.. n im mad banged up.. im so tired.. i cant deal and messed up
n e wayz.. im just sitting here listening to music while pat is taking a shower and amanda and chico are outside talking.. so its all good.. i knoooo i died that niteeee and i ill nbever be brought back to lifeee.. |
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| way tooo late.. |
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| 04:19pm 08/03/2004 |
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mood: dirty music: tv blaring
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mad tired.. late nite.. little jits.. cant deal with them.. now there living in bens house.. how great is that?.. exactli.. me im exhausted didnt get to bed till almost 7.. woke up at 3.. but im still madd tired.. i dunno i think im gonna go home soon.. ok well bu bye |
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pynksugerpyxie's journal
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